Through the windshield glass I can see the world. I am driving the car at eighty miles an hour. The road seems endless, it goes on forever around those beautiful mountains. Unfortunately at such a late hour all you can see are their shadows. Only Five hours are remaining till the end of this road trip. The moon is so full and perfect tonight, larger than I have ever seen, it feels so close to me, almost like it wants to fall in my arms. I love the moon. It represents a beautiful dark woman, a sophisticated, tender, lady-like and a perfect goddess; it’s a dream to me. There are more stars decorating the sky than I can dare to count. The music is playing my favorite tunes. Just in case all that is not enough to fire my soul with a thousand emotions, I just witnessed one of God’s most beautiful pieces of art at the Grand Canyon, I’m at the top of the mountains, watching the river thousands of feets below me. Unusual sight for me, for I am usually walking side by side with the river.
Fascinating how hard we may try to run, far, far away from our thoughts, desires and dreams. But I was in no position to escape this time. No work to hide behind trying to convince myself it’s my future career success that shall bring me internal happiness. There are no friends to crack a few jokes with escaping any sorrow that I carry. No pillow or a bed to escape through to my sleep. So I might as well come to peace with the one and simple fact that this is going to be one of them evenings where I have to face my thoughts for a lengthier time than the usual. So I tell myself “Stand there and take it like a man, and try and enjoy what you can't stop”. I wake up every morning to these thoughts, I sleep every night to them, and I deal with them on several occasions throughout my day. I came to love them, appreciate them and embrace them. But tonight I am scared of them, the day was too perfect, the view in front of me is astonishing, and this is exactly what those thoughts feed and grow on. They have become so mighty, and I've become so insignificant beside them, too weak. I was once a dreamer, now I am just an extremist dreamer. Keep in mind nothing good comes from extremism.
I know my sin is about to visit me, and here it comes, my flow of thoughts. I try for a moment to fight them away. But I already know am about to lose as usual, it’s a question if how long I can keep them away, that’s all. This stubbornness of mine is not going to take a break, it will eventually bring me to my end, I just know it, but I am proud of it, after all it defines me.
There are three types of people in this world, those who don’t live for a dream, I used to despise those people, their ignorance destroyed their vision, that is if they ever had any, but then their content feelings are achieved by simply surviving (Eat, drink, work, sex and kids), ignorance is a bliss, and I now envy them in a way or two. The second type is where most of you would fall under, and that’s people who are looking for their dream. Those who read are always in search, thus they live for something, something that they truly believe if they do find they will find that content emotion within their treasure. The third type is the one I feel most sympathetic towards, it’s those who have a dream, they have found that dream, possibly even lived it and then it's taken away from them, maybe they made a wrong turn somewhere, maybe it was their cowardness or maybe out of no fault of their own. They know exactly what they want but they just can’t have it. So they become lost, they stand between this world's reality and their dream, unable to walk out of that beautiful magical bubble, nor go back to those dry ugly plain deserts that most call "reality". Well all I can say is may God guide those who fall under this category.
Regardless of what type of a man or a woman you are, if you ever had a dream then escaping it is an impossible reality. You will hide behind shields and tall walls, but only for so long. You’re a human after all, and all it takes to recreate those three magical beans is a beautiful painting God has placed in the middle of the desert. Or that beautiful song that reminds you of flying to the moon. Or that movie that you love, which will shed a tear from your soul the next time it happens to be on TV. If you have an analytical smart soul, your thoughts will water those beans till they grow large and mighty, before you know it you are climbing, no flying through those clouds. Within seconds you're dreaming, you are in your wonderland. You will smile because it brings you happiness, but you will feel pain and sorrow soon, that is if you fail yourself again, if you walk away, if you try to set it aside. That evil giant will be guarding those gates, he is what stands between you and those dreams, and you will have to fight him, now, tomorrow or in fifty years, he is only a mortal after all. If you ever held a dream then I must label you as a warrior, for only those who dare to dream have the courage this world challenges them with. Some of us are fool warriors, and others are just lucky fool warriors. A warrior may take a break, but he/she will never know how to give up the fight, when the time is right that dream will find its way to your soul. The warrior inside you will simply never be satisfied until it gets what it desires, what it deserves, what's rightfully its destiny.
The true feeling of happiness will only come when you wake up and sleep to that dream, when your “reality” becomes no more than a continuous effortless dream.
Arizona - 7/1/2012
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