Change

I have sat on that bench for weeks, if not months, as I sipped on my black Americano coffee, no sugar of course. I enjoyed the few strips of sun light as they made their way through those clouds. I sat on that bench in comfort, appraising myself in silence knowing that I was one of the few people who had the motivation and courage to walk out of their comfort zone at home at such an early hour, to enjoy the creation of the creator in quite and peace. As time passed I realized that once you make the decision to join the grater force of nature, it’s a competitive world, as you start to witness the successes of others, which unravels various dimensions of your own capabilities, a world that will keep thriving you for more, which eventually raises the question of what’s the limits?

My choice of power is ...

A few weeks ago, I received an email from a dear reader asking me to write a piece, stating if I had to choose a power, what will it be? For three weeks I have been trying to think of what I shall write, what captivated me the most about my reaction was why did I find this so difficult to answer. So I carried my notepad & pencil and walked down to the river to seek inspiration in attempt to drop a few lines. I went up to the park and sat on the bench with my coffee in silence, as a matter of fact I did that twice. Went to my favorite café, and I just had nothing to say to that notepad as my pencil remained silent in shame.

Forgive me Lord for I have Sinned

It all started in that little room, as I laid on that single bed, many of those evenings I would lay there as I dimmed those lights listening to ‘Um Kalthum’ or ‘Fayrooz’. Closing my eyes sent me back in time to discover their treasures. I wondered about mine for many years, I wished and wished, with thousands of thoughts and voices telling me that reality is bitter, for I shall quit dreaming, so I slipped back into those covers and slept. Every time I attempted courage, the limitations I was told to believe in hammered my legs down, breaking them, talking me back to the bottom, to where I was.

Not today I won’t, that’s what I convinced myself, so I stood and I decided to draw. To draw a painting of that I desire. It’s a blue print. A guide that shall define my purpose. It started with those two perfectly drawn eyebrows, they stood like two crowns above her beautifully fitted eyes. As I stood and watched fear struck my heart, they were strong and inviting. Mysterious yet won my trust. They dared and I accepted. My lust was aroused, I felt my blood rush through my heart, I stood knowing that I was committing the forbidden by going after her. But I went with all my pride. Forgive me Lord for I am about to sin.

Dear sweet betrayal

Dear Betrayal …

I am certain the fact that I am writing to you must be a disappointment within itself, for it can only show that you have yet not hit me hard enough to break me.
The simple truth is that I have known you for a rather long time, years and years has passed by us. You tend to come and visit me through different faces, and the chemistry we have is rather strange to be truthful with you.

What I admire about you is your fascinating determination to come back, and with every visit your style grows impressively. You come back harder and stronger than the previous time, you come with nothing but the determination in your sharpened teeth and curved claws, with a dagger that wants to cut through my flesh like a starving lion in a deserted island in the middle if the ocean. Oh but that doesn’t seem to be enough for you, you have taken the pleasure in training your assassins to attack silently to ensure that the bitter taste is fully satisfied through a stab to the back.

Liberating my freedom

Not long before we started watching those revolutions take place on our TV sets like a drama series with stars, villains and a great story line. A dear friend, actually a brother asked me a question. What’s my opinion on the difference between Freedom and liberty?

At the first glance I admit that I thought a few searches on Google will give me the answer, but then I realized that it wasn’t so simple after all, A huge discussion revolves around the terminology, some state that the two words are originated from two different backgrounds yet hold the same meaning, others take the discussion further. So for weeks I been thinking about it, for to me they never meant the same, but then how better could I see the meaning behind those words unless I looked at our beloved society, for those words are the motive for millions who walked this earth to pay their blood simply to have them exist!

We were all born free of restrictions, yet as we grow day upon a day we are told of our boundaries, what we are expected to do, our limitations, our reality, we are taught how to read, what to learn, how to interpret, what to wear, how to behave and then one day we wake up and some of what we have learned is imprinted into our memories to the extent that we now believe in it. Others will accept what they are taught in a cowardly manner and blame it on respecting others. Then one day we wake up and now we are told who to marry! What is expected from her or him? Wait a minute, really!!! I wasn’t aware that an entire society was going to share my modest bed with us for the next 40 years. But hey what do I know I am being too disrespectful now, and I should behave in better manners.

A confession to my brother

I have developed the habit of unloading my chest on these pages. I feel the comfort I once longed for as I speak my thoughts, a page upon a page and here you are my dear friends reading my insanity. Don’t worry I much prefer it to any other state of mind. When I first wrote I felt much that I should withhold, but here I am now, I fear not, I speak of all that I wonder, from religion to politics, from love to courage. Now I speak to those pages better than to any other I know, isn’t it strange? Maybe this is a companion that I needed in a journey that I couldn’t have anticipated. Yet today I want to talk to a brother, my only brother, for those who don’t know me well, its Sultan. For I hold words for him that are held deep in my heart, and I share it with you, for I hope that some may appreciate what they have while they feel my taste of what am deprived from.

My Dear Brother, Its been 13 months since my arm united with yours, 13 months since my chest felt your chest in joy, 13 months since I felt your heavy breath upon my neck, 13 months since I felt that amazing first hug every time we reunited. There use to be a time where we refused to separate rooms, though we had several empty to accommodate us, for the distance would have been too great to handle. There use to be a time where we couldn’t trust our secrets but with each other, a time we shared all that we had and yet it wasn’t enough. Now those oceans and lands separate us like a sword upon a moment of an execution, determined to dislocate the head from the rest of the body.

Undressing my Bride

The beauty of love, or it maybe the weakness of it as some may perceive it, is that we perfect that we long for. We draw them with a beautiful brush in the brightest colors. We make them into what they are through our own eyes which reflects what the heart feels, and in return they do the same to us. Where is the logic? Well let me just say that the heart has its own logic which I personally fail to explain nor care to understand. Being away from what you love allows you to make them into a great creation. Now saying that doesn’t mean you have overvalued them, to the contrary it means you were able to discover something that no one else discovered, or maybe not many people will ever discover.

I hear many say that love is blinding, I tend to disagree, it’s actually obvious to the average intelligent human where the faults are, however the matter of fact is we make a choice to ignore what the faults are and overwhelm our selves with the inner beauty we see.

Introduction - The beginning

On the 22 of April, 2010 i wrote the following:

As I go through my life … all I seem to hear are judgments, lectures, or complaints. We judge peoples way of living, we get lectured on how the ideal life should take place, and we complain about a fallen society, inequality, and the need for change.

So we ask what is the solution?, and all we hear, change yourself and your family, well not too sure if I have the right to change the family. And most certainly no one hate who they are, and of course the question arise, change my self to and for what????

I asked my self for years, what’s the key to happiness, and how to find the road to success. A dear friend once told me that I should write my thoughts, and do my own journal. But fear concord me. Just the thought of me reading my words struck me, for they can be too harsh, especially when judging myself. So now I decided to go through with it…… A quest to find the answer of my very simple objective. Continuous self development to achieve anything, and to do so I must give it everything .

So why share? Every human has strengths, locating that strength and understanding it, is the tricky part, making use of it means the first and most important step to success. In my case I was blessed with loved intellectual friends and family and my loyalty to them is beyond the imaginable. Sharing means gaining their thoughts and giving mine, a balance between give and take.

So here I go ……..