(Before reading this please refer to the previous article. Thank you).
Now that you’re starting to take my madness just a little bit more seriously, I must admit to my joy and excitement; it runs through my veins as I write you the second part of this desired unexplainable insanity of a letter. Part of it is due to the fact that I know how lucky I am to know that I will be with you one day, partially because your existence today makes me a better man, but most importantly it’s due to the fact that I just woke up from my sleep at 2:30 in the morning, I couldn’t fall back to sleep, I knew it was for a reason, something I have to do, it was to write you this.
I am a lucky man; I have many role models in my life, people who guide me. Accept me for my faults and sins, friends who back me up when I need them the most without the need for me to ask, and although I am as stubborn as they get, one or two people have managed to find a way to my brain through my heart, but I must also confess, no one mastered it as well as you did. It’s why I fell deeper in love with you as the days passed. Now I love you in more ways than that I have ever imagined. Your patience through our financial struggles, your pride in how we must always be independent together without the external support of our families, you have always contained our secrets, never did we speak our sorrows but to each other and to God. I see the way you kiss our children good night and I get jealous on some twisted unexplainable level. Maybe I am a greedy man, not for money, success nor power, but for you.
I always wanted to tell you how beautiful you looked in the mornings, your hair is a right mess and your eyes have that carefree look in them. So natural, it’s how God intended you to be. Your femininity strikes me the most at such hour, which is why breakfast became my favorite meal although it’s something that I wasn’t too fond of in my younger days. With every wrinkle you gain, with every bit of hair transforming into white I love you more, it reminds me of our past years together, our memories. Those sad moments we shared, those happy ones we have created and those achievements we still plot in order to reach our destiny together.
I admire how strong you are against the world, yet how gentle and loving you are with me; it’s why I always felt so special. I also admire how you always guide me by outsmarting me. You never made it obvious; you always managed to find a way to correct me without telling me. You knew of my ego and pride. You served them as your own. This is why no matter how inflexible I may become as I get older with people around me, when it came to you I held no shame in laying my head on your chest as you watched your favorite TV show on those long evenings in the middle of the week. We depended on each other, not for survival, for both of us could have lived a good life if we were apart. But we always aimed for the extraordinary, and our imperfections were perfected through each other.
When I am in doubt I stare deep into your eyes, I can literally catch the glaze of my reflection, and I see myself through your eyes. I look beautiful, I see the respect you hold for me, and how you look up to me. It grants me confidence, assurance and power beyond my wildest imagination. Sometimes I worry that I won’t be able to give you as much as you have given me, but then again I have a rather competitive personality, thus I know I will always compete against you and for you, to ensure that I never allow you to give me more, so I keep giving, but you're quite the competitive spirit too, I know this will never end. At least I will keep trying till my sand clock drops its last particle of dust.
Many of those I met defined themselves through their cultures; other chose to be defined through their career paths and a few were fooled to think that they can be defined by things that they possessed. But I know all these things will come to an end one day. For me, nothing will define me but my emotions; to me I want to be defined by my actions for you, to me I want to be defined by the love I hold for you. In other words, I confess that I will hold more pride than any man who lives our world today if I can someday be defined by you.
Wise men say only fools rush in love, I know they weren’t wise enough.
I miss you, and I promise to always love you.
(To be continued)
Newcastle - 24/1/2012