Deprived

Who out there hasn’t sipped from the cup of deprivation?

Says who that our needs in life are contained between food, water and air?

With the lack of faith and vision, one is nothing but a lost soul without any purpose for existence. Bouncing like a ball between four walls, getting smacked with two rackets in a game of squash. Bouncing back every time to meet the inevitable ending of hitting just another wall yet again.

Have you ever been deprived from the one you love?

When you say nothing at all …

 I have loved this song for years, since the first day I’ve heard it by Ronan Keating. At the time, I was a fourteen year old boy. I remember as if it was yesterday. My father bought me an open membership to the cinema, allowing me to watch as many movies as I wish. I loved the movie theater more than anything else at that age. At times I would go at twelve o’clock in the afternoon as they opened their doors to the gates of wonder, and left at nine in the evening just in time to catch the last bus back home. I still remember clearly how I used to push myself up, applying my body’s pressure on my toes; so that the ticket conductor at the cinema would think am older than my age. When he/she asked of my year of birth, I always lied adding two years to my birth certificate, praying in my heart that they would believe me and grant me approval to watch the (Fifteen) rated movies.

Let me tell you about her …

Where do I start ? and where do I end?

She is beyond imagination, and above all expectations. She is a woman that I engraved in my heart and preserved her beauty deep within my two eyes.

She is imperfect, yet she perfected every imperfection.. I was no more than a broken jigsaw awaiting the missing pieces to complete me … to fit like gloves over hands, so smoothly.

She has a voice calmer than music to my ears, when she spoke; I felt the clock arms stop. She spoke as if she whispered, yet her whispers echoed through my soul like the fireworks on a New Year’s eve.

Money

Earlier this week I left my house at noon. I got to the town centre, walked into a shop and picked a light pink smart shirt that I liked. As I placed my hands into my back pocket to grab my wallet I realised that I had forgotten it at home. I placed that shirt back and left, a little angry at myself for forgetting something so important. I checked my side pockets and found spare change. I counted the coins only to find that I possessed £4.78 sterling British pounds, hardly enough for coffee and a sandwich. I had to meet my friends for our coffee in five minutes leaving me no time to go back home to get my wallet. I told myself “Fine, you made a mistake, pay for the consequences”, but then another thought hit my mind “Wouldn’t it be interesting to see if I can go through my entire Saturday with just that amount of money?” and so I did.

Ten seconds of courage

The truth about men is that their complexity lies in their unreasonable simplicity. They are no different to the female in many aspects. They have needs and they seek for them to be met. I never understood the statements made by many people of wanting to be independent in life. Those living in their denial can only go so far. Eventually they will have to face the truth, and very often they face their limbo in a place between four walls as they see that pillow not far from their sight whilst they confront their loneliness. At times they will succeed to deceive themselves, other times they will run out of lies feeling deep emptiness and pain. But it’s ok, for as soon as they wake up, they start the process of self deception all over again. The cycle will take hours, days, months or even years, eventually it will restart. The truth; such a subjective concept, being honest with yourself is a frightening thought to the average individual.

A price to pay ...

As I was finishing my undergraduate studies in the city of London a few years ago, I sat with him over a coffee. Back then I had them white and with sugar. He was doing his PhD, a very smart man. He was talking to me about love. I listened with a respectful grin on my face. Back then love between a man and a woman in my narrow view was no more than a physical attraction backed with respect and common future goals, such a scientific way of looking at it. I have come a long way from that plain understanding.  People don’t change; it’s their understanding of how they see the world that does. After all if we are not continuously developing, it’s either because we’re dead, or we are ignorant beyond limits.

The Outcast

I have been hearing their names for years, but not until a year ago did I start reading about them. I was amazed by their spirits. Those two men are more than fighters for social rights; they are an example of dignity and integrity. They are an example that can and must be applied on generations to come. The devoted Baptist leader of the African-American civil rights movement Martin Luther King Jr. has confirmed to me that having a dream is not an insane ideology, but the truth be told, you’re insane not to have a dream. On the other hand Malcolm X's life has managed to grab my imagination. I close my eyes and dream of myself in his shoes, the pride he must have held at the moment of his assassination, the price for choosing the right path. What a striking thought!

A dream from Catalonia

The more frequent you fly, the shorter those trips on the plane seem to be. I used to enjoy reading a book, watching a movie, playing on my phone, or writing. I don’t do that as often as I used to anymore, I spend a lot of that time looking through that small window at the world. I stare at the sun following those clouds of dreams, it seems like it’s trying to catch the moon at its full image, am sure it has its reasons to do so. I look at our universe, it all seems insignificant from up here. The perspective from which you see the world changes. It’s as if you’ve just grown up fifty years, acquiring the wisdom of that time to see things from the bigger picture. Suddenly it hits my mind, no matter what you do in life, you will be presented with complications. If there is no escaping that why not face those difficulties for the things you want and desire.

I want to be the first ...

I walk this earth, like it’s nothing but a big long road. Yes at times it feels like I am walking that road up a hill, it's difficult, tiring and hard to see the road ahead; I barely see beyond my footsteps, feeling like the breath is running out of my weak lungs. At other times, that road becomes a downslope, and I start walking so much faster, sprinting with simplicity and at ease, as my eyes see more than that my mind could possibly capture. I see fields of gold; I see the sun rising after every fall. I can witness a glimpse of the ocean, as I stare deeper trying to distinguish it from the sky at the meeting point of the horizon line.

60 minutes

Take a walk through a little chapter of my life ladies and gentlemen. Some call it five aside football, to me it's sixty minutes of war fighting for a win.  As extreme as it may sounds, allow me to present my argument as follows:

Never was I a huge fan of watching active games, but I am a man who would jump at the chance of playing them.  Most likely it is due to the fact that I love creating than watch others create. Never did I see the fun in celebrating another man’s win at the comfort of my home. Or maybe it’s because I love risking everything for something, well how can I enjoy life without that? But that’s just me. It’s like love to me, you may see the movies, poetry and music, but that is never satisfying, I want to kill immortality and live through the pages of the past, future and present. The voices of madmen sounds beautiful to their own ears, does it not!

To my wonderland : A promise (Part Three)

(The video above will include a read of this piece. Before reading this please refer to the previous two articles. Thank you)

Dear sweetheart

I feel sadness as I write you the third and final part of this. Three cities contributed to these letters, and with every letter my heart felt your distance across the oceans between us. But don’t worry for one day I will make it a monthly habit to write you a letter, on the night of every full moon that climbs the sky taking its place between the stars to shine upon us.

It fascinates me how it’s you who defines the moon in my world, unlike most poets where they defined their loved ones by the moon. But how can I blame them, they haven’t met you; you give that moon many of your hidden characteristics that only I can see and feel. 

To my full half .. (Part two)

(Before reading this please refer to the previous article. Thank you).

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Dear sweetheart

Now that you’re starting to take my madness just a little bit more seriously, I must admit to my joy and excitement; it runs through my veins as I write you the second part of this desired unexplainable insanity of a letter. Part of it is due to the fact that I know how lucky I am to know that I will be with you one day, partially because your existence today makes me a better man, but most importantly it’s due to the fact that I just woke up from my sleep at 2:30 in the morning, I couldn’t fall back to sleep, I knew it was for a reason, something I have to do, it was to write you this.

To my fairy tale .. (Part one)

(Before reading this please refer to the previous article " Introduction: Next three articles". Thank you).

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Dear sweetheart

Many accused me, many judged me, and a very few have intimidated me. Most those I knew thought of me as a shallow man when I said that physical beauty mattered just as much as the beauty of the heart and mind.  I call it the trinity to perfection. I cannot compromise on any of them; see when a man is in love some think he becomes rather delusional; I always took the extreme view of believing that he becomes wise.  Whilst most believe he is blinded, I believe he becomes the only one with the ability to see the truth.  It’s why I have been able to tell you that you’re the most beautiful woman on this earth, it’s just how I see you in every way. I know sometimes you will doubt me, but soon you will see through my actions that I truly believe that you are, just be patient my love.

Introduction: Next three articles

 I am going to be doing something different to my usual none sense; now don’t get me wrong, am not saying am going to rebel against my madness, but rather, just bring it up a level. In a few days I'll post part one of three articles to come over the next few weeks. They will take the form of a note, or a letter if I may say, to my future companion, she is someone whom I yet haven’t sat with nor touched, but someone I believe in so strongly.   

Why put this out on my journal? Well, First to protect myself from my logic, from the possibility of me ever becoming something I despise, so if I ever change, I will have my insane written ideologies bring me back to my salvation. The second reason is to inspire hope to everyone who reads this and holds an insane vision, anyone who questions their reasoning of such dreams. To tell them  that there are thousands of men and women out there who are no different to us, the concept of “the one” is something I highly believe in, soul mates are not a myth, but a visionary notion, that only those who are brave enough to accept it and its consequences can understand its full effect on one’s reality.

To be continued ... 

New York - 14/01/2012 

Me, a mountain and the moon

Through the windshield glass I can see the world.  I am driving the car at eighty miles an hour. The road seems endless, it goes on forever around those beautiful mountains. Unfortunately at such a late hour all you can see are their shadows.  Only Five hours are remaining till the end of this road trip. The moon is so full and perfect tonight, larger than I have ever seen, it feels so close to me, almost like it wants to fall in my arms. I love the moon. It represents a beautiful dark woman, a sophisticated, tender, lady-like and a perfect goddess; it’s a dream to me. There are more stars decorating the sky than I can dare to count. The music is playing my favorite tunes. Just in case all that is not enough to fire my soul with a thousand emotions, I just witnessed one of God’s most beautiful pieces of art at the Grand Canyon, I’m at the top of the mountains, watching the river thousands of feets below me. Unusual sight for me, for I am usually walking side by side with the river.