A few weeks ago, I received an email from a dear reader asking me to write a piece, stating if I had to choose a power, what will it be? For three weeks I have been trying to think of what I shall write, what captivated me the most about my reaction was why did I find this so difficult to answer. So I carried my notepad & pencil and walked down to the river to seek inspiration in attempt to drop a few lines. I went up to the park and sat on the bench with my coffee in silence, as a matter of fact I did that twice. Went to my favorite café, and I just had nothing to say to that notepad as my pencil remained silent in shame.
So I decided to play Mozart (Serenade no. 13) on my laptop speakers, start typing and see in what part of wonderland will I end up in this time. Going back in memory I started to recall the past, as I always wished and wished, I saw superman fly through his clouds, thinking wouldn’t that be the most amazing of feelings, to explore the world, visit all that I desired. For a while I dreamt of being a pilot to full fill that vision, but as I grew, and explored more parts of this global village I realized that even if one could fly, it will be a lonely journey without my companion on these travels, and there it went with the wind as the idea evaporated.
I keep swimming through my memories to see what other powers did my heart desire. It didn’t take long before I recalled how I once wished to own what I described as an eagle vision, it’s the eyes of the ‘Qabani’, the tongue of my favorite poet, I sat and envied the way he painted the woman he loved, the appreciation of every part of her, his admiration for her strengths and flaws. I loved his madness, the revolution within every poem he wrote, the flawless writing in description, he was simply rebellious. He crowned himself a king on words, and I watched in passion. So I took his books, I read them loudly, so loudly that my housemates thought I have lost my mind, yut it made me smile. But then I realized if I had the power of the poet, then I will be in his shoes in life, I wanted more, despite that I never appreciated his personal life but rather his talent. I have already learnt what I need to learn from him yet what I wanted in life was beyond describing a beauty or expressing it, what I wanted was to become one of a kind and not a dublicate ! the desire for this went with the wind as the idea evaporated.
I swam further to remember, a fantasy of a pitch black horse, as I covered my face with my scarf, with nothing showing but my eyes. The chest highly risen to stare at the sky in pride, with a sword on my side, my image of an Arabian warrior, to fear nothing, to sprint towards what the heart believed in. To me it seemed like a power of invincibility, the image of an incomparable dignity and the spirit of glory. But as I grew I started to see that such form of existence contradicted my very basic principles, and there the idea went with the wind as it evaporated once again.
I stopped thinking and suddenly the answer hit me, It was the power I desired the most. With it came the reason to why I have found this so hard to answer in the first place! We tend to go around looking at what everyone has, ignoring what we may in fact possess strongly, failing to work on developing it and perfecting it. The power I desire is simple, yet as the pressure gets stronger from family, work, study, friends and life, I failed to continue to acknowledge it. It’s the power to be able to have a vision of viewing the world from the sky rather from the bottom, the way a man who fly’s would view it, the ability to feel the world like a poet and express it, the vision to perfect a life companion in madness, to want and desire with no failure nor shame, but also remember that the characteristics of warrior would not allow a man to keep a vision without fighting to make it a reality. For dignity, self pride and self respect would reject such outcome. The power I seek, want and will die maintaining is not only the power to dream but more importantly the power to make sense out of those dreams. I may not possess it to the full, but at least I have the comfort that I will die trying to master it.
Newcastle - 22/4/2011
Newcastle - 22/4/2011