Nightmares

Today I write to disgrace my self for my failure. Today I write to build judgments that I shall use to whip my own back with. Today I tie the rope of my own ideologies around my neck and see weather it’s going to prove my madness right and bring me eternity, or is it to throw me in the darkest halls of hell.

I haven’t been able to write for a while. No!! Allow me to rephrase that statement, I didn’t want to write for a while, which by the way happens to be by far on of my biggest joys in life. I lost interest in many of the beautiful things I once held in my sleep as I watched them eventually build dreams upon dreams. When one is looking for something they can very often get lost, the more that person gets lost the harder it becomes to even acknowledge their own failures, subsequently an opposite force sucks them towards settling, collapsing and accepting the norm that the majority enforces upon the individualistic distinctiveness that makes us who we are. Not only that, but one could start to sketch that failure into a success in self deception. Lets be fair, after all we are only humans, and the capacity to which one could keep fighting may eventually grow old and tiered.

Her fight for life - by Lujain Asad

This time i will not be sharing my words, but the words of an amazing person who existed in my life to influence and motivate me. Not only a sister, but a role model, friend and an inspiration. A great example to the deepness and the strength of the free Arabian women, a result of our beautiful deserts, despite her young age, i foresee her bright future upon her destiny. I will speak no more for this time i am here to listen to her perspective. I hope you enjoy it as much as i did: 

Her fight for Life - By Lujain Asad

“Life isn’t fair”. Now that’s a phrase we’ve all heard an infinite number of times. My question is: Is it supposed to be? Allow me to answer this naïve question of mine.It’s not and never will it be; we just fail to accept this disappointing fact constantly.

The sacrifice

As I arrived to my Arabian bride, the city seemed to welcome me with nothing but love, with much for me to look forward to. One could start to notice the differences between the eastern and western life styles almost instantly, even though many chose to be irritated by the differences, I came to enjoy and appreciate each in its own unique colors. Of course my observations and positive criticisms are a different unrelated issue at this point.

It’s a usual scene in this part of the world to see most families are privileged with the support of a driver or a maid. As I got picked up from the airport by the driver and my mother, I was told that the new driver is married to the new maid. This is not a story that I am to tell of myself, but somewhat a story of “Abdu” & “Miriam”. I knew at the point when this news arrived to my ears that I would be fascinated at the shores of the idea, the idea of observing the couple. I was seeking the lesson I have to learn from them with passion. They are an Indonesian partners, in their thirties, like most of us they are seeking a clean living, to make an honest future for those they love, to prosper in their life’s in a prideful manner.

Change

I have sat on that bench for weeks, if not months, as I sipped on my black Americano coffee, no sugar of course. I enjoyed the few strips of sun light as they made their way through those clouds. I sat on that bench in comfort, appraising myself in silence knowing that I was one of the few people who had the motivation and courage to walk out of their comfort zone at home at such an early hour, to enjoy the creation of the creator in quite and peace. As time passed I realized that once you make the decision to join the grater force of nature, it’s a competitive world, as you start to witness the successes of others, which unravels various dimensions of your own capabilities, a world that will keep thriving you for more, which eventually raises the question of what’s the limits?

My choice of power is ...

A few weeks ago, I received an email from a dear reader asking me to write a piece, stating if I had to choose a power, what will it be? For three weeks I have been trying to think of what I shall write, what captivated me the most about my reaction was why did I find this so difficult to answer. So I carried my notepad & pencil and walked down to the river to seek inspiration in attempt to drop a few lines. I went up to the park and sat on the bench with my coffee in silence, as a matter of fact I did that twice. Went to my favorite café, and I just had nothing to say to that notepad as my pencil remained silent in shame.

Forgive me Lord for I have Sinned

It all started in that little room, as I laid on that single bed, many of those evenings I would lay there as I dimmed those lights listening to ‘Um Kalthum’ or ‘Fayrooz’. Closing my eyes sent me back in time to discover their treasures. I wondered about mine for many years, I wished and wished, with thousands of thoughts and voices telling me that reality is bitter, for I shall quit dreaming, so I slipped back into those covers and slept. Every time I attempted courage, the limitations I was told to believe in hammered my legs down, breaking them, talking me back to the bottom, to where I was.

Not today I won’t, that’s what I convinced myself, so I stood and I decided to draw. To draw a painting of that I desire. It’s a blue print. A guide that shall define my purpose. It started with those two perfectly drawn eyebrows, they stood like two crowns above her beautifully fitted eyes. As I stood and watched fear struck my heart, they were strong and inviting. Mysterious yet won my trust. They dared and I accepted. My lust was aroused, I felt my blood rush through my heart, I stood knowing that I was committing the forbidden by going after her. But I went with all my pride. Forgive me Lord for I am about to sin.

Dear sweet betrayal

Dear Betrayal …

I am certain the fact that I am writing to you must be a disappointment within itself, for it can only show that you have yet not hit me hard enough to break me.
The simple truth is that I have known you for a rather long time, years and years has passed by us. You tend to come and visit me through different faces, and the chemistry we have is rather strange to be truthful with you.

What I admire about you is your fascinating determination to come back, and with every visit your style grows impressively. You come back harder and stronger than the previous time, you come with nothing but the determination in your sharpened teeth and curved claws, with a dagger that wants to cut through my flesh like a starving lion in a deserted island in the middle if the ocean. Oh but that doesn’t seem to be enough for you, you have taken the pleasure in training your assassins to attack silently to ensure that the bitter taste is fully satisfied through a stab to the back.